Monday, August 14, 2017

No One Knows Prophecy Better Than Me! And, Me! And Me! And...



The Church of God has been plagued for decades with one self-righteous know-it-all after another.  Each one claiming to know more than the next guy, and each one with more "accurate" dates. We started out with Herbert Armstrong claiming all kinds of fantastical prophecies.  Then Meredith, Hoeh, Blackwell, and others added their mixture of personal interpretations into the mix making the prophetic quagmire one enormous mess of lies.

Then Herbert Armstrong had to go and die, throwing the long list of prophecies and expectations into the trash bin.  The church then imploded which further threw the prophetic utterances out the window.  With the church in such a mess, Gerald Flurry started making his predictions as the rightful heir to Herbert Armstrong.  Then Meredith added his mess to the mixture.  So far everything these guys have predicted has been one epic failure.

With all of these failures swirling around, God's most superfantabulous man ever to live in human history began reinterpreting the Bible to fit his own deluded imagination. Dave Pack's prophecies have been so far out there that even God has hung his head in embarrassment.

With Dave out of the mess, Bob Thiel and James Malm stepped up to the plate with their equally deluded prophecies.  From Germans rising up and using the Hadron Collider to destroy the United States when Baron von Gututtenburg takes over as the Beast, to Church of God members being slaughtered because they lack zeal, these two bumbling buffoons have made it obvious to the COG that they have no idea what they are talking about either.

James Malm has the tribulation starting in the fall of 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, and many more dates to just be sure he eventually hits the right one.  Bob Thiel is likewise stacking the deck in his favour.  Both are outright liars and not to be believed.  Malm is the most zealous man on the earth and Thiel is the best doubly blessed self-ordained man the church has ever had lead it in human history, which makes neither one of them followers of the god they claim to follow.

Every single self-appointed prophet the Church of God has ever had, from HWA and onward to the fools we have running off at the mouth today, each and every one of them has been proven to be outright liars.  The Bible says all these little men need to have happen is to have one prophecy fail and they are 100% discredited and that members are not to follow them.  But since when have any of these men ever followed the god they claim to follow? In their eyes, it is all a money making scheme to put money in their pockets, either through forced tithing or incessant begging like Malm does.  None of these men deserves your money. None of them certainly needs to be followed as teachers of truth, because they are not.

9 comments:

Hoss said...

In Bob’s sermon Is it logical to believe in God? he mentions how he has studied science, including physics, and admits he’s no [physics] expert. After listening to him attempt to explain the simplified Bohr model of the atom and how the atomic [fission] bomb works, I definitely agree. I’m certain he has no clue what the Large Hadron Collider actually does, let alone how it could be weaponized. But, those nasty Germans will figure it out… just like HWA told us they were soooo close to having an atomic bomb in WWII. “Missed it by thaaaat much!

Byker Bob said...

As I've discovered yet again recently, the deeper you try to get to the bottom of these things, the more sickening their quicksand becomes! Their prophecy is based on theories that are based on acknowledged folk tales and myths. It is similar in moral intent to basing all of one's beliefs and future prophecy on urban legend. Yet they preach it sooo authoritatively, and the fact that it's had as many postponements as the Jewish calendar should certainly tell someone something!

BB

Miller Jones/Lonnie C Hendrix said...

You are absolutely right about the Armstrong Churches of God and prophecy - complete and total failure. You would think that this alone would be enough to discredit all of these charlatans, but I guess they get to continue by pushing everything to just around the next corner.
Never mind, that Jesus Christ said that not even he knew the Father's timetable for the fulfillment of prophetic events. Forget the fact that all biblical prophecy was crafted to change individual and societal behavior in the present and was consequently subject to being scrapped or altered by God himself.
Moreover, all of these ACOG "prophets" depend on you not knowing very much about the use of symbolism in the Bible or History in general. They expect you to follow their very literal interpretations of all of the prophecies they use, and merrily link/associate prophecies which were never intended to relate to each other. Add to all of this the fact that most of these folks base their entire prophetic understanding on the identification of modern nations with peoples identified in the Bible. And this, despite the fact that both history and genetic testing have thoroughly discredited these teachings. And don't forget that most of them believe that everything that ended up in our canon came directly from God. No wonder ACOG prophecy is such a hot mess!

Unknown said...

My prophecy is that their "prophecies" will never come to pass!

DennisCDiehl said...

The whole concept of any human being able to "see" in to the future accurately is ludicrous. The idea of pre-dicting the unknowable future which is subject to every twist and turn and fluttering butterfly is based on our innate fear of the unknown and the unknowable. Even as a child I reasoned that if God knew the future and it was set and that some special people were allowed to see it and then pass it on to me, as if it mattered, why bother doing anything to make anything better in real time. We are just all bit part players in a huge pageant with a pre determined ending. Bots and clones waiting to see if they just happen to live in "the end times when all shall be fulfilled." It's stupid.

Bob Thiel, Dave Pack and their theological ilk are delusional and badly self absorbed children who will come and go on the planet with nothing of their imaginary views coming to pass...thank God or whatever. Living in the world of these men , not thinking things through for oneself and accumulating one comic book scenario after the next of villains and superheros to filter reality through is a total waste of a good and short lifetime experiences we all get to have if we are lucky enough to be conscious of it and ourselves.

We were not born to have others filter our own life experiences and perspectives through theirs. We do not exist to join group think as if that is the true nature of things as handed down by governments "from the top down."

Paul not withstanding, it is impossible to "all speak the same thing" and be accurate in the true nature of things. "That there be no divisions among you" (US is absolutely no reason to do it. Whose right thing? Well the leader of course who , like a Thiel, Flurry or Pack would never consider they are no more insightful or special than anyone else nor do they have special abilities granted them by their god.

The idea itself of prophecy, no matter the Bronze Age Biblical concept, is simply stupid and ignorant human fear disguised as religion.

Helen Wheels said...

"James Malm has the tribulation starting in the fall of 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020..."

...and let's not forget how he's previously scheduled the tribulation for the fall of 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, and 2016...

I think it's funny how he tries to make it seem "scientific" by throwing pseudo-statistics into it, saying "it's 80% probable that..." As if that was how the bible had prophecy working?

Daniel 5:26 This is the interpretation of each word. MENE: God has numbered your kingdom, 27 TEKEL: You have been weighed in the balances and found wanting, 28 PERES: With an 80% probability, your kingdom will be divided and given to the Medes and Persians.” Because there's a 20% chance that god won't be available. He's got a very full calendar!

It's either that, or prophecy is like the weather. As in, "80% of the time, when the world looks like this, there's a supernatural apocalypse." Nope, not that either.

Just give me some time to get my schtick figured out, and then nobody will know prophecy better than me, just like all these other con men. Watch out, rubes, here I come! You won't be able to resist being suckered by my prophetic utterances!

Anonymous said...

Prophesy is part of the bible. It is there. But I believe God meant His children to have a healthy respect for it rather than having it misused to terrorize members into allowing themselves to be lorded over by the Herbstapo ministry.

Anonymous said...

We humans yearn for someone to be in control, for everything to work out in the end for ultimate good, especially for us personally. It's an illusion. Herb built on that illusion that we were all specially chosen, the elect of god, to be in the kingdom. All we had to do was tow his line and believe his crap. All the Herb wannabees have the same approach, and gullible people still fall for it, but the old ones are steadily disappearing and only a few
of their brainwashed kids are still succumbing.

Allen C. Dexter

Anonymous said...

Dennis
In fairness, I do believe that Pauls 'speak the same thing' is in reference to Christan fundamentals. Minsters do stretch it to mean groupthink and lording it over others faith. Herbs church splintering on his death is testament that thuggery isn't Gods way, and doesn't really work. But like all bullies, it's the only 'people skills' that ministers know and believe in, so nothing will ever change.

And not forgetting, the only reason ministerial bullying didn't work out is because of the treacherous Joe Tkach. It has nothing to do with broken laws. So comfort the ministers each other with this rationalisation. Oh the terrible, deceitful, traitorous Joe T.