Monday, April 29, 2013

Dennis On: "This Will Be Like Nothing I Have Ever Quite Taught This Way Before...."





"This Will Be Like Nothing I Have Ever Quite Taught This Way Before...."


The Bewildered Apostle asks:


" Why do no other leaders understand ANY of the awesome and incredibly detailed prophecy that I am about to present—the what, when, where and how this reunification will occur?"



Because you're making it up?



Because they have a strong feeling it is just cleverly hidden proof-texting  
that always comes back and points to Dave Pack?



Because you are not a likeable person in real life?



Because they have read the experiences of others 
and their shelf life with you seems limited?



Because the few who left one COG to align themselves with your COG 
seem to disappear into the void after they confess you?



Because you are arrogant in your presentation and demeanor?



Because you use the word "awesome" to often?



Because you have said three of them will die all on the same day 
and that will prove you to be awesome?



Because working with and for you may increase 
their Rolaids budget too much?



Because working with and for you may get between them
 and their meager savings?



Because saying "yes sir, whatever you say sir," 
makes them feel like shit not actually agreeing with you?



Because when their wives say, 
"You gonna let that guy tell you everything to do, think and believe?" 
and it will make them feel emasculated and weak?



Because they think you just make it up as you go?
...oh sorry, already said that. 



Because like your incredibly detailed sermon on 
"And Yes Brethren, I am an Apostle" 
will make their asses sore listening 4 hours to the incredible details 
and not actually see how those incredible details are connected in reality?



Because you love the kind of member and minister that says, 
"whatever you say" and they don't?



Because you are one of the most arrogant human beings ever
 not actually called to be "the leader" they have ever read or met? 



Because you have left a trail of tears and drama behind every place 
you have ever been or landed? 



Because it really is all about the numbers?



Because they know they would have to 
check their own brains at your door?



Because they have already learned that fair speeches 
with conviction and pizzaz do not truth make?




More Apostolic Opinage:



"So obviously, for God’s people to be together, ALL organizations but ONE must “go away,” meaning everyone must leave them to enter that ONE organization—the ONE Church that Christ built. Continue thinking at the most basic level. EVERY splinter leader would support this, but of course only if HE led that one organization."



Because when you say, "think at the most basic level," as you do, 
they know you mean, 
"Come on simpletons not as wise as me, this is not rocket science."?



Because they are pretty sure you are the one who will 
come out on top as the leader and that is a no-show?



Because when you say "every splinter leader would support this
...if HE lead that one organization,"
 really means, 
"They won't come to ME as the leader of Christ's one true church."?



Because, as far as they and I remember, 
you never could work for anyone very long in your life 
before it all blew up and it seems you aren't happy, 
or ever have been unless you run everything 
and get the credit for the awesomeness of it all?




The Awesome Apostle thrills with:



"Next Friday I will start bringing the scriptural details of the prophecy revealing that all of God’s people will soon be back together. In time this will include exactly HOW and WHEN this will occur. The first elements of this “explaining” process will take three or four Friday announcements."



Perhaps they fear "the scriptural details of THE PROPHECY, 
will be a mish-mash of long winded explanations, analogies, 
types and bullshit badly woven together into a out of date garment?



Perhaps they understand you have mastered the art of making non-prophecy 
mean what it never meant and prophecy 'so called' 
apply to you when of course it does not?



Perhaps they are concerned yet another "HOW" and "WHEN"  
is just more not really that way or now yet ?



Because some even realize you are not actually a trained theologian 
but rather a spiffy Bible Reader who doesn't even know the context of
 "Line upon line, line upon line, here a little , there a little," 
which is NOT a formula for how to study the Bible?

(Hint: God is mocking with baby talk what the priests 
say and do in their drunken state.) 



Because they don't want to be brought back together 
under your leadership in the first place?



Because some think you will drag this out to August when ...well you know?




The Apostle predicts our reactions:



"The announcements of coming weeks and months will shock you beyond imagination!"



But what if they are already burned out on the overarching,
 awesome, incredible and amazing past stuff 
you proclaimed and can't get it up for more?



What if they can imagine more than you can imagine they can imagine?



What if they wonder if you know all the announcements already 
why not get to the point and save them some gas money?



What if after all this all most can come up with is 
"Man, this is a bunch of bull shit it I ever heard it."?



What if they decide they have been too hard on their pastors and leaders
 after meeting you and go back to them apologizing 
for being too judgmental and unhelpful but grateful to God 
they don't lead like you do or adopt so many titles as you need?



What if United and Living actually united and came alive?



What if being "shocked" is getting old and in hind sight, 
not all that shocking actually?



The Apostle Rejoices Over:



" Repentant ministers and many faithful splinter employees will carry on,
 serving solely in God’s Church."



What if ministers won't sign your terms of repentance forms?



What if faithful splinployees won't sign 
your terms of repentance forms?



What if repentant ministers figure out no one who ever repented into RCG 
ever got to speak or teach again publicly as far as we can tell.  
Did Dale Schurter die?



What if you can't find enough repentant splinployees to mow the grass, 
ride in the electric carts you like so much 
or polish your statue?



What if a repentant minister or fake board member 
finally wakes up someday soon and says, 
"Hell no you don't need a corporate Jet!"?



What if some repentant splinployee or treasurer 
advises Whitman Chocolates instead of Steuben???



And Finally Brethren:



"Make no mistake. The last three paragraphs are TRUE! 
Read them again, this time more carefully."



So you think we're too stupid to get it the first time?

(You'll have to give these next awesome sermons 
over a few times so we get it.)



What if we really don't want to make a mistake either 
so coming back to you makes no sense?



What if the way you spin the Old Testament in the coming weeks 
and proof text an idea you already accept 
as true turns out to not really be true?



What if we share tapes of your sermons with other theologians 
and get some input from them?



I guess we covered the arrogant part already...




I kinda like these observations, still valid today about questionable Apostles, in this case the Apostle Paul but don't take these as compliments.





Bishop John S. Spong (Episcopal Bishop of Newark)

"Paul's words are not the Words of God. They are the words of Paul- a vast difference." 


Carl Jung (Psychologist)

"Paul hardly ever allows the real Jesus of Nazareth to get a word in."


Albert Schweitzer

(Insert Apostle Dave for "he" and "Paul")

"Where possible he (Paul) avoids quoting the teaching of Jesus, in fact even mentioning it. If we had to rely on Paul, we should not know that Jesus taught in parables, had delivered the sermon on the mount, and had taught His disciples the 'Our Father.' Even where they are specially relevant, Paul passes over the words of the Lord."

David Hume

"When men are most sure and arrogant they are commonly most mistaken, giving views to passion without proper deliberation which alone can secure them from the grossest absurdities"




Because we're just gonna bet you have not bounced any 
of your prophetic ideas 
off real men (or anyone) who could really stand up and say, 
"that's the biggest load of BS I have ever heard.  
That's not what those scriptures are meant to mean. 
Have you considered a counselor"?








Hey Dudes! The Street Light Is Off!



There is an excellent entry on All About Armstrongism today.

ARMSTRONGISM: What’s The Point of A Moth Buzzing around a Street Light that’s Off in the Daytime? – A State of Armstrongism “Emotional Release” from this Blogger 

The blog owner writes:

....With all of the 700 plus splinters out there, you’d think they would get a clue that something in Armstrongism is completely wrong. Totally wrong. Abjectly wrong. Look at what is happening here. Every group is fighting each other! The one who is physically growing, reportedly the most, is sitting there accusing the others of nearly completely dying off, while another group claims they’re having great growth themselves, to name a few examples. Group after group writing why they have the blessing of God. Group after work claiming unity when anyone looking from the outside in can clearly see that there is little unity to be had. Members jumping from church to church, leaving because of this or that, trying to find the “right one” out of over 700 that most closely agrees to what they think. Churches competing for members of other churches because most “new people from the world” don’t fall for their crap anymore – while rogue leader wanna-be’s pop up and self-appoint themselves with a great sounding spiritual title, start a church, draw some members and start their own version of Armstrongism, usually complete with a new truth here, and a new truth there, here a truth, there a truth, everywhere a truth truth, until the members come comin’ around the mountain till He comes. And it continues over and over and over and over and over again.

And, inevitably, a large enough group of members will disagree with some aspect of the ministry, and, inevitably, a division will result, a split will occur, the church will split, and the division that has started with one large church and has now resulted in over 700 plus churches and groups, will continue to split. I believe the same thing will happen with even the “most growing church” once a new leader takes it over, signs are in place for another church to split, and it will continue to happen as members take their internal beliefs in disagreement with organizational beliefs and start a church with their own interpretations of the law, the bible, and Armstrongism. And the division, bickering, squabbling, arguing, competition, and trash talking will continue.
 ------

I feel like yelling at them saying “LOOK! THE STREET LIGHT IS OFF! There is no use for street lights when the sun is up! But you guys are saying the street light is still ON when the sun is up! What’s going on! Can’t you see that when the Light comes the Street Lights are old and useless and have become obsolete? It’s a waste to keep Street Lights on when the true light is here! And you guys are saying that God expects you to keep all the street lighting on when the sun is up? What are you thinking! the sun is far brighter and far more illuminating then street lights! The street lights served their purpose when it was dark! The street light serves their purposes when the earth is cut off from the Sun! Their light was great when it was useful! But now that the sun is up, what use is there of it? Is the Sun up or not? You guys say it is not up, but look, the sun is brightly shining, and you are sitting there telling your people to keep buzzing around the street lights when the sun is brightly up and sets you guys free to explore all the wildflowers, grasses, and insect life that is now plainly seen with the sun. You’re free – but in Armstrongism insanity, you keep buzzing around the streetlights in the daytime that if you just look are plainly OFF because they are not needed anymore. What kind of insanity reasoning is this?!”

Jesus Pranks



Day of Atonement





Relive those wonderful, fun filled days, when you were forced to fast as a child in Armstrongism.